Some understanding,pls.
The temptation to stay busy and have fun is strong in order to cover my unconscious, which is pushing to the surface. It's bad, unhealthy. And i know it.
These reflect a time to be more honest with myself, facing truely my in-depth feelings & emotions. The amount to process is almost too much for me to handle, and it has fall out of my capacity to cope.
i pray, i cried. i blame myself for not able to understand the true me , i constantly pray for the people around me to understand , be it an acquitance, a friend, a family member and even someone who dont know me well but show that they do care. I appreciate, i really do.
i put on a brave and a happy front , however much of what is not handled can show itself on my face. Deep within me, i teared . i reproached myself for prayers which are not answered.
i have friends who shared their happiness with me. Some of whom may be non-believers. Of course, as a believer, i believe and i really do feel happy for them because God has blessed them in their life, but on the other hand, i am falling into a sense of self-worthlessness. i felt useless and unhappy with alot of issues in my life. I started to question myself 'why i cant see God working in me '. I believe , i trust and serve faithfully but many times, things seem to work the opposite. All these illusions of self-attack has become part of my life. i guess i have to learn my lessons in a hard way.
i am glad that i have friends who constantly remind me of God's love . Someone quoted-' God do not give you what you want but rather what you need. Yes, i need a re-birth and of course, a pleasant future.
posted by eve_ng80 @ 10:02 AM
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